Thoughts of the day

[shadowninja]

Never trust a woman?

[KOTBIIAJIbTO]

Never trust a woman?

Just tie her up before having sex

[shadowninja]

Just tie her up before having sex

I always forget the details. Getting tired of the rocks.

[KOTBIIAJIbTO]

Same here mate

[shadowninja]

I tried a crash helmet but it ruins the moment. As do rocks. Forever alone.

[kingsley]

Idle Thoughts of a Retired Person

Protons have mass? I didn't know they were Catholic.

If the world was a logical place, men would ride a horse side-saddle.

What is a 'free' gift? Aren't all gifts free?

They told me I was gullible, ........and I believed them.

What if there were no hypothetical questlons?

One nice thing about egotists. They don't talk about other people.

My weight is perfect for my height - which varies.

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not sure.

Is there another word for synonym?

Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I will show you a man who can't get his pants off.

Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?


.......and can you believe this?

In California, the LA motor licence department sent a letter to driver Sybil Molland saying

"We have received a report that you may be deceased. Please come into our office with

proof of identity and evidence that you are not dead."

[KOTBIIAJIbTO]

25 signs you drink too much

1.) You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
2.) You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
3.) Job interfering with you're drinking.
4.) Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
5.) Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
6.) The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
7.) Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
8.) 24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case - coincidence?
9.) Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
10.) You can focus better with one eye closed.
11.) The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
12.) Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
13.) Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
14.) Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you
15.) At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
16.) Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
17.) The whole bar says 'Hi' when you walk in.
18.) You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Women
19.) Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.
20.) Roseanne looks good.
21.) Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
22.) That stupid pink elephant followed me home again.
23.) Senator's Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
24.) "I'm as jober as a sudge."
25.) The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.

[KOTBIIAJIbTO]

Custard really should pay more attention to his dogs, who knows, maybe they could bring him a fortune:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2013/jan/13/investments-stock-picking?CMP=twt_gu

[doubleback]

Pah ... that's just a rehash of Paul the Octopus ...

[bazbaz]

Early this morning I was having a pleasant dream (no not that kind ) when suddenly in front of my eyes flashed a large screen with the words 'In order to continue please enter your credit or debit card number in the space provided below'. As I couldn't remember my card number I woke up and that was the end of it.

The way things are going with technology.... (soon they'll have contact lenses with internet and facial recognition so that you can eye up a shop assistant and instantly know their life story gleaned from all the info they've put online about themselves, as well as how they're starting to unravel the mental images and dreams of paralysed people and view them on monitors, and the way that they can trigger certain parts of the mind to manipulate a persons consciousness with different rays) I think it's only a matter of time before this kind of shit happens for real!

[doubleback]

Roses are red

Violets are glorious

Don't ever surprise Oscar Pistorius ...

[Thomson]

Roses are red

Violets are glorious

Don't ever surprise Oscar Pistorius ...

He's banged to rights......not got a leg to stand on.......

[Firkinelle]

" It's only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you
realise that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence. "

[KOTBIIAJIbTO]

[GreenLeaf]