Geek News 24

[The Geek]

Welcome to Geek News 24, our very own satirical send up of the industry & the community.




News Flash -- Scumbag Traders PLC Bans Hong Kong Fooey

Today, in a scurry of blind panic, Scumbag Traders PLC banned from it's forums one of it's oldest & most valuable contributors Hong Kong Fooey.

In a desparate attempt to stop word spreading about a brand new spam & bullshit free community, they took the time off from fixing the server & important customer service duties, to attend to this top priority task.

Adam Toad founder of Scumbag Traders PLC declined to comment, as his head was still embedded firmly in his hands.

More groundbreaking stories from Geek News24 as the day goes on


On a serious note, as a great number of you already have, I suggest ALL new arrivals from the dark side who still wish to post over there, join here under different names.

[The Geek]

News Update -- Scumbag Traders PLC Deletes Threads & Empties Bin

In a break with the recent much loved tradition of "Not Deleting anything as we are all responsible adults", Scumbag Traders PLC today started deleleting threads rather than putting them in the bin.

Threads mainly arguing about poor cutomer service, coupled with decency crusaders winding up their chief parasite were this afternoon consigned to never, never land.

Adam Toad founder of Scumbag Traders PLC still declined to comment on this radical change of policy, as his head was still embedded firmly in his hands.

More groundbreaking stories from Geek News24 as the day goes on.

[Knight Rider]

........might need a new broom what with all the sweeping under the carpet going on

[The Geek]

News Flash - Scumbag traders PLC Announces Light at the End of the Tunnel

This evening, Scumbag Traders PLC announced a light at the end of the tunnel.

When asked if the tunnel was a long one, and whether it was a hare or a tortoise racing along it, an unofficail spokes person insulted their customers, and asked for them to be banned.

In other breaking news today, Adam Toad founder of Scumbag Traders PLC was rushed into hospital for a life saving operation to have his hands unstuck from his head.

More groundbreaking stories from Geek News24 as it breaks.

[Public Enemy]

Protest outside Racing Traders Towers turns ugly as moderators take a tough line with demonstrators over the 'servergate' scandal.

[PFY]

When pressed by our reporters for an update on 'servergate' an unnamed nocturnal spokesmammal claimed "Strewth, if it ain't blowin' up, it's goin' down"

[The Geek]

News Update - Adam Toad stable.

Adam Toad, founder of Scumbag Traders PLC was on life support today, after a failed operation to remove his hands from his head.

A source close the the company said "Apparently, the light at the end of the tunnel" wasn't a claim about Nickolution, but the operating room lights shining in Adam's eye during yesterdays operation, where they actually managed to prise one finger from his head."

In other news today, Blagger PLC, a supplier of questionable services to Scumbag Traders PLC, called in the receivers, as demand for it's core products continued to decline repidly.

When asked to comment, a representative of the company said "I've sold 3,000 eBooks you drongo. Nah, Nah Nah Nah Nah!"

More groundbreaking stories from Geek News24 as it breaks.

[Thomson]

local newsflash

Very little activity seen so far this week here in Warrington. The team of entrepreneurs (well just one actually) has run into a problem in their mission to convert fastpic in-play traders to scalpers.

Ironically the preferred subscription software is unavailable at present due to unforeseen circumstances.
A spokesman for Blagger plc said “Problem yeah. Don’t get caught in the headlights though, adapt and overcome.”….”I’m teaching these guys using a 30 day trial on another soft”….”When back to normal I’ll just switch to the subscription one. No one will notice”..”You wanna buy my e-book, no, ok g’day”.

Thomson internet news service outside the sett Warrington….

[The Geek]

News Update -- Scumbag Traders PLC bans another of the Mary Whitehouse brigade.

In other News this week, Scumbag Traders PLC continued its ruthless & dicatatorial banning of forum members critical of it's recent policies of allowing everyone to "Sell you your granny." {Source Geggs News 24.}

Long time poster & positive contributer Geggs1 was the latest victim of the cull. Asked to comment on this outrage, Geggs said "Way ey man, I suppose I'll ave ta drink me Broon Ale"

When asked to comment on this latest scandal, an unofficial spokesanimal for Scumbag Traders PLC told our reporter "Would you like to rent your Nan? Sign up today for half price. Only £12.50 a month / £75 for a year."


More groundbreaking stories from Geek News24 as it breaks.

[Knight Rider]

[Knight Rider]

More breaking news..........

.........due to the ongoing problems over at Scumbag Traders PLC this week and the subsequent drop in new subscribers this has led to , its chief spokesman has been left with no other option but to find new ways of providing himself with a daily income......

[The Geek]

Seems a bit unethical to keep having a go at ScumbagTraders when TT is still out of action , does to me anyway.

Simply a bit of satire to pass the time. TT & BTE being down is beyond RTs & my control. BTP isn't.

RT deserve everything they get from me for the highly ethical way they nicked quite a few of my original ideas, put them into BTE, banned me from the forums & made up some bullshit about me being sacked when I never actually worked for them. { Amongst other things. }

Feeling a little sorry for them, I even offered to take a look at the server for them on Sunday night as this Betfair thing may drag on for quite a while.

However not having received an answer to date, I can only assume that RT's team of Meerkats have it well in hand.

[The Geek]

News Flash -- Bank of England stops BetWeasel 99p promotion.

Today, the Bank of England forced BetWeasel PLC to withdraw it's 99p daily offer, as it's reserves of pennies was running dry.

A huge take up of this offer due to the fact it's main compettitor Scumbag Traders PLC went down last Tuesday, meant that the nations reserves of pennies nearly ran dry. BetWeasel PLC & The Bank are in tense negotiations to resolve this crisis.

Porky Webb founder of BetWeasel PLC was unavailable to comment due to having to count all his money.

In other news, GrossSoftware PLC announced today it's new state of the art "Server Farm" to cope with the unprecedented demand for it's services.

More groundbreaking stories from Geek News24 as it breaks.

[ThePits]

Jesus, it's Tradergeddon out there

[The Geek]

Unconfirmed News Flash -- Tradergeddon

News just in from our Ulster correspondant. Apparently Tradergeddon is upon us.

We are currently examining other news feeds to confim. Will bring you an update as soon as we get one.

More groundbreaking stories from Geek News24 as it breaks.